I am in BIG trouble (2) - May 16 2008

Well as you notice I'm still alive and actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be although the storm might not be over yet. She thinks that when I quit my job I'll go crazy (literally) . In the end I'm really happy that Petra told mum about it because she could let of all her steam without me being present. It was really like a stone in my stomach but now that we are speaking terms I'm so relieved and I really think I made the right decision in quiting my job. I feel so much lighter! I've been driving myself crazy with the question whether to stay or quit but now I have I feel so much lighter. I have my spring in my step back! Well I'm off to lala land Night night

I am in BIG trouble - May 16 2008

I handed in my notice at work Wednesday. Now mum found out about it before I could tell her myself! I talked with her before at quiting my job but she is against it and always convinced me not to quit it just yet so this time I didn't tell her untill I exactly did it. I was at dad's yesterday and she called him and me seeing it was mum I answered. "Your dad there?" she asked crudely. Yes and gave the phone to dad thinking what happened? And then I hear that talking that h knew about it and was explaining why he thought I did the right thing but mum ended the conversation before he was finished talking. NOT a good sign! I hardly slept last night and I feel ashamed that I mum had to find out about it via a collegue while I wanted to tell her in person. I have the feeling as if I betrayed her although my collegue did that for me while I TOLD them mum didn"t know it yet =( I'm about to face her

Nan - May 13 2008

Just a quick note to say that today, May 13th at 5:13 pm my nan Elizabeth passed away. In a way it is big relieve. For years now even when she was still psychically and mentally well she wanted to die and thankful now she has the rest she so much wanted and I believe she is in heaven with her much loved husband, my grandfather. It's terrible but I'm happy for her. Although the road towards her death was not easy at all (since many strokes and the 'final' strike last August she got Dementia), she is were she wants to be =) May she rest in peace. I love you too bits nan you mean the world to me!

Nan - May 2 2008

Alright! This has been a lovely week. Mum just called it's not going good at all with nan Elizabeth. She had a stroke last weekend which left her half paralised (she is in a convalescent(?) home since it looks like she got a form of dementia after the many strokes she had in the last year). I visited her on Tuesday and although she was lying in bed she looked very restul and she said that she was alright. I left with an (under circumstances) good feeling. Nan's home called and said that she is doing very badly now. She is keeps fluids within and she is now on oxygen. I can't lose another nan! It's been I'm still crying over nan Adriana. How can I live without both of them????

Nan - March 31 2008

Caring, loving, funny, trying to pull everyone's leg, just.

My best friend, my shelter, my comfort, my refuge, my nan.

I feel empty without her. I visited a few times a week, and everytime I think 'Oh let's visit nan' and then I realise she's not there and I have quickly have to think f something else before I break down. It seems so unfair. Nan Elizabeth WANTS to die, yet she doesn't. Nan Adriana was full of life, and now she's gone