I am in BIG trouble - May 16 2008

I handed in my notice at work Wednesday. Now mum found out about it before I could tell her myself! I talked with her before at quiting my job but she is against it and always convinced me not to quit it just yet so this time I didn't tell her untill I exactly did it. I was at dad's yesterday and she called him and me seeing it was mum I answered. "Your dad there?" she asked crudely. Yes and gave the phone to dad thinking what happened? And then I hear that talking that h knew about it and was explaining why he thought I did the right thing but mum ended the conversation before he was finished talking. NOT a good sign! I hardly slept last night and I feel ashamed that I mum had to find out about it via a collegue while I wanted to tell her in person. I have the feeling as if I betrayed her although my collegue did that for me while I TOLD them mum didn"t know it yet =( I'm about to face her

Nan - May 13 2008

Just a quick note to say that today, May 13th at 5:13 pm my nan Elizabeth passed away. In a way it is big relieve. For years now even when she was still psychically and mentally well she wanted to die and thankful now she has the rest she so much wanted and I believe she is in heaven with her much loved husband, my grandfather. It's terrible but I'm happy for her. Although the road towards her death was not easy at all (since many strokes and the 'final' strike last August she got Dementia), she is were she wants to be =) May she rest in peace. I love you too bits nan you mean the world to me!

Nan - May 2 2008

Alright! This has been a lovely week. Mum just called it's not going good at all with nan Elizabeth. She had a stroke last weekend which left her half paralised (she is in a convalescent(?) home since it looks like she got a form of dementia after the many strokes she had in the last year). I visited her on Tuesday and although she was lying in bed she looked very restul and she said that she was alright. I left with an (under circumstances) good feeling. Nan's home called and said that she is doing very badly now. She is keeps fluids within and she is now on oxygen. I can't lose another nan! It's been I'm still crying over nan Adriana. How can I live without both of them????

Nan - March 31 2008

Caring, loving, funny, trying to pull everyone's leg, just.

My best friend, my shelter, my comfort, my refuge, my nan.

I feel empty without her. I visited a few times a week, and everytime I think 'Oh let's visit nan' and then I realise she's not there and I have quickly have to think f something else before I break down. It seems so unfair. Nan Elizabeth WANTS to die, yet she doesn't. Nan Adriana was full of life, and now she's gone

What do with myself? 2

I often think I should do this, I should do that. My friend Moniek has finished her studies and can now make a 'proper' living. A colleague of mine, she's 21, is in the middle of her career. Where am I? I'm 23, almost 24, and I'm still working somewhere which started out as a holiday job. Doing something where I don't have a degree in - although plenty of experience - and am not seeing a future in it. Mohammed Ali said: "Going through education today is hard, but going through it at a later age will be harder." I believe him. Yet I don't do anything about it. Should I be like everyone else - study, have a proper job - or go on as I am? HELP!

Liesel

What do with myself? 1

It's difficult. On one hand I want to get away. Go to India. Go back to England. On the other hand, do I really? I'm just starting to get a social life here, how tiny it is. I went on holiday with Linda, Samantha and I are going shopping and she had this crazy idea to go running with. The poor things doesn't know what she suggested! I'm a terrible runner, unlike her. Then there's Bo. Although we mainly talk at work, I really like her and I know that if I need help or advice she will be there for me. I've always thought I'd go back to England and make a living there, but I'm not sure anymore :o/ Perhaps one of my fears is that when I move out, mum will sell the house. I love this house, and 'our' meadows. Nan Adriana keeps telling me how she would I happy she is that I am here now, and how she sad she will be if I would leave again. She's 87 years old. Do I really want to move away and miss spending time with her while she is still alive? The same for Nan Elizabeth. But if I let his stop me, there will always be a reason why I can't go. Laura, one of my best friends lives in England lives in and it would be great if we could spend more time together. We write and call each other now, but it's not the same as exactly being together. England is my second home, and how corny it may sound, half my heart is there. Coming back to home after England I feel as if I can take on the world. Unfortunately that feeling usually doesn't last long :o) Dilemma's, dilemma's..

Liesel

Running Beans and Chocolate

For what food can someone wake you up in the middle of the night? For me, 'snijboontjes' or running beans as I think they are called in English. Choosing between chocolate and running beans, I would choose the latest! A nice slice of sesame bread with chocolate comes a close second though!

Liesel